Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is not very experimental in bed, so I don’t want to discourage him. But he is definitely interested in watching the action in mirrors.

I don’t mind a little mirror set-up once in a while, but I don’t want anything permanent like mirrors on the ceiling — which he thinks would be "hot."

I’m not shy, but frankly, I don’t look that beautiful in harsh daylight. He insists I always look hot to him, but I don’t feel confident of that.

Also, the bedroom is a place of rest for me. I don’t want to be looking at myself on the ceiling when I’m trying to go to sleep. It’d make me feel self-conscious.

But my sweetie is persuasive and determined and I’m afraid I’m going to get bulldozed. Is there a compromise? I can’t think of one! — House of Mirrors? Westwood

Dear House: Like most guys, your husband isn’t as interested in the beauty aspect as he is in the erotica of mirrored sex. Most men are visually turned on, while many women are more auditory — responding more strongly to words, erotic sounds and music.

Your boyfriend’s interest in actually seeing the two of you make love from different angles is understandable. The trouble with installing ceiling mirrors is that it makes your bedroom secret obvious to visitors.

The problem with using portable mirrors in the bedroom is that they need to be set up at a certain angle, which can be difficult to set up, especially in the heat of the moment.

The answer to using mirrors and still keeping your privacy would be a tall standing mirror, in a frame that tilts. These mirrors range from casual pieces on wheels, to elegant bedroom furniture.

Then your privacy is assured, as long as you can put that mirror back in a place where it doesn’t reflect the bed in an obvious way — until it’s playtime.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a younger woman at a place where I was playing music, before COVID times. I’m single but I never come on to a spectator when I’m playing a gig.

She was with a man about my age — in his mid-30s. She has called me every two weeks or so, just to chat. I never agree to meet her for coffee or a drink — as she suggests by the end of each call — but I’m polite.

She takes that as encouragement, I guess. I’ll just say it: I’ve gotten to the point where it really annoys me and I want her to get lost.

She’s an attractive young woman, but the whole thing feels weird and I want to say: "Why do you keep calling?" But I can’t be that mean, and I can’t lie and say I have a girlfriend, as I don’t.

What else could I say to get rid of her. — Groupie Problem, Winnipeg

Dear Groupie Problem: You could say, "I don’t understand why you keep calling me" and then wait her out.

Be prepared! She may screw up her courage and tell you she wants to go out with you, wants to hook up for sex or maybe she just wants to be friends. (And the reason she doesn’t ask for anything may be that the man with her was her husband — and still is.)

If she ignores your comment and keeps chatting, you can say nicely, "I’m finding these phone calls with you uncomfortable."

That might make her cry, but it’s likely she’ll say goodbye and finally stop phoning.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was walking with my husband at The Forks when we happened to see a guy and his female companion sitting outside. He was wearing a familiar toque, and he gave me a little wave.

I looked and said, "There’s my ex-husband. Let’s speed this up. I don’t want to talk to him," but my new hubby steered me over. It was awkward, and brief.

As we left, my husband said, "Well, I can see why you weren’t attracted to that little shrimp." Somehow that really bugged me, and I said, "It wasn’t his height that made me leave him! Why do you think everything is an appearance issue just because you’re tall?"

And then he said, "Well you didn’t choose another little shrimp, did you?" Then I wondered if I’d chosen a second shallow jerk. — So Annoyed, Sage Creek

Dear Annoyed: Your husband spotted your previous model of husband, and all he had to go on in comparing himself to him was height.

He doesn’t know the guy you used to love like you do, but if he did get to know your ex he’d no doubt find deeper things to criticize about him!

Think about this: You’d feel more uncomfortable if your present husband said he really liked your ex, and wanted to be friends with him and his new wife.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

 

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Each year, the Free Press publishes more than 1,000 letters to Miss Lonelyhearts and her responses to the life and relationship questions that come her way.

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